Some seepages cannot be sealed.
Somethings you cannot be impervious to.
Some wounds don't heal. Everytime you go back in the hope of finding reconciliation, glimpses of a cracked, battered past show up.
The experiences are still loud enough to deafen you, still dark enough to petrify you, still recent enough to make you lose sense of time that has already passed since and still intimate enough that each breath it takes is a stab on your share of air.
Ignorance, repression, anger, sadness, guilt, helplessness, madness - some experiences are a complete package!
If there were an escape mechanism, you'd have chosen it and saved yourself from the turmoil.
Alas! the FIRE EXIT even if available and chosen wouldn't help. Everything you left loose-ended will bite you back right in the ass sooner or later.
"Time is the greatest healer", they say. But, is it really? May be what they mean is with time you gain more perspective, find out there's more to the world than your misery. Happiness in small things or more misery, bigger misery!
So, may be relatively your problems would be healed. Or will they be?
Some fuck ups are too big (for you) to let them be treated merely "by time"!
So, even if the problem diminishes, the implications of it you bear! It's too easy and cheesy to say "to be dealt by the therapeutic, endless time!"
Confrontation may be a solution but how do you confront something that sucks the rationality out of you, leaving you caught in the mire of blinding angst?!
Problem may be yours solely or inherited along with the associated indoctrination like a help manual with any device wanting you to mop up the screw up; it teaches you lessons, contributes in a large way to who you are or will be.
Then there are moments when everything seems serene on the surface but past experiences suggest otherwise.
Like too much tranquility is too much booze. You are now bound to puke! Like feeling good is an evil omen, that it will have consequences; unleashing all that you hoped had gone away.
And yet, people expect you to move on. They are obviously unaware of the conflicts it rose within you, the whirls it brought in your head, the uneasiness that shook you to the bone, the delusion it brought, the hatred it stirred inside and the clarity it brought which is as hard to escape as death itself. People may be deeply moved by your "story" and then might begin the "healing" from their side. Without any offense, somethings are better left untouched, uncorrected because pity is the worst fruit of any misery!
Problem sometimes is not of the pain being alive but the urge of people to kill it. Some thorns cannot be plucked because the catharsis it intends is no longer desired as they entwine with the fibre of your being, the form so intricate of this symbiotic relationship that parting with it would mean the collapse of your identity!
Somethings you cannot be impervious to.
Some wounds don't heal. Everytime you go back in the hope of finding reconciliation, glimpses of a cracked, battered past show up.
The experiences are still loud enough to deafen you, still dark enough to petrify you, still recent enough to make you lose sense of time that has already passed since and still intimate enough that each breath it takes is a stab on your share of air.
Ignorance, repression, anger, sadness, guilt, helplessness, madness - some experiences are a complete package!
If there were an escape mechanism, you'd have chosen it and saved yourself from the turmoil.
Alas! the FIRE EXIT even if available and chosen wouldn't help. Everything you left loose-ended will bite you back right in the ass sooner or later.
"Time is the greatest healer", they say. But, is it really? May be what they mean is with time you gain more perspective, find out there's more to the world than your misery. Happiness in small things or more misery, bigger misery!
So, may be relatively your problems would be healed. Or will they be?
Some fuck ups are too big (for you) to let them be treated merely "by time"!
So, even if the problem diminishes, the implications of it you bear! It's too easy and cheesy to say "to be dealt by the therapeutic, endless time!"
Confrontation may be a solution but how do you confront something that sucks the rationality out of you, leaving you caught in the mire of blinding angst?!
Problem may be yours solely or inherited along with the associated indoctrination like a help manual with any device wanting you to mop up the screw up; it teaches you lessons, contributes in a large way to who you are or will be.
Then there are moments when everything seems serene on the surface but past experiences suggest otherwise.
Like too much tranquility is too much booze. You are now bound to puke! Like feeling good is an evil omen, that it will have consequences; unleashing all that you hoped had gone away.
And yet, people expect you to move on. They are obviously unaware of the conflicts it rose within you, the whirls it brought in your head, the uneasiness that shook you to the bone, the delusion it brought, the hatred it stirred inside and the clarity it brought which is as hard to escape as death itself. People may be deeply moved by your "story" and then might begin the "healing" from their side. Without any offense, somethings are better left untouched, uncorrected because pity is the worst fruit of any misery!
Problem sometimes is not of the pain being alive but the urge of people to kill it. Some thorns cannot be plucked because the catharsis it intends is no longer desired as they entwine with the fibre of your being, the form so intricate of this symbiotic relationship that parting with it would mean the collapse of your identity!
